11:03a – I arrive at Joe’s, our usual Second Day stop and something is different. Our usual “upstairs bar” has been redecorated from a timber-themed sports bar to a combination of granite and stainless steel with stupid little votive candles and one less television. Poor.
11:30a – The Dawg tries a new version of the Illinois/Iona name spelling:
The Dawg: “B-U-C-K…”
Us: "N-E-L-L!"
It works.
11:37a – “All of the Iowa players look like they’re in their 40’s – receding hairlines, bald spots. I mean seriously, the coach is this guy’s son.” – Brendan
12:02p – The secret party room next to the bar has intrigued us for years. It’s usually opened by some guy who has stuck around Joe’s long enough to grant access to it and he usually invites a healthy number of unsuspecting 22 year old ladies and whatever sexually hopeful slugs they bring with them. This year’s crowd is no exception.
1:06p – The Dawg suggests that this year’s “Spring Break: Shark Attack” is this show CBS keeps touting, “The New Adventures of Old Christine.” He disputes yesterday’s “Time Bomb” call and starting now, he’s keeping score.
1:17p – Mews’ new strategy for NCAA weekend: “I’m not rooting for my brackets. The way I see it, you root for ALL upsets the first two rounds. The, in the aftertmath, look to the Sweet Sixteen to see if you stand to win any money.”
1:18p – Mews: “Konold, write that down.” Mews is now the new Van Wilder, not only because he instructed me to “write that down,” but because he closed Tai’s til 4, was up at 8:00 and had his first Guiness at 9:30a. BTW – he wishes everyone a “Tap O’ The Mornin’ to Ya!”
1:25p – Old Christine: 3 Time Bomb: 0
1:27p – We start recounting all the shows/movies CBS has pathetically failed to launch despite a mega-blitz during the tournament. So far we have:
- Spring Break: Shark Attack
- Baby Bob
- Falcone
- Sons of Thunder
- Grapevine
- My Big Fat Greek Life
1:35p – Northwestern State takes out Iowa – biggest upset yet. I just took it on the chin and lost a Sweet 16. Brendan thinks it’s because NW St. runs a dirty program.
2:00p – Brendan: “How could you not like Tokyo? I love that place. It’s so f’n weird.”
4:05p – Remember the secret party room I mentioned earlier? One of our fair maidens emerges shit faced and barely able to stand. At first glance she leans against Tim, starts to tub herself up and down and proclaims in the raspiest, dirtiest voice, “I’m humpin’ mah boss!” Tim, in utter shock and fearing a disease, tries to escape only to have her further explain to us all, “I’m dippin’ my pen in the company ink!”
4:07p – We decide to engage in what little conversation we can with fair Amy:
Amy: “Hey, who did you pick to win the tournament?”
Tim: “Kansas.”
Amy: “I picked Boston.”
Tim: “You mean Boston College?”
Amy: “No. Boston. Hey, who did you pick?”
Me: “Connecticut.”
Amy: “How come?”
Me: “Because I’m from Connecticut.”
Amy: “Then why didn’t you pick Boston?”
We promptly depart leaving our heroine to find her way through the rest of the day.
4:15p – The Dawg tosses out a theory: “One of her guy friends is thinking to himself, ‘Okay. I got about 35 minutes to hit that before she pukes. Yeah, I can do it.”
4:47p – Those of us who make it back to the Upper Deck before everyone (including anyone who lives there) are trying our hardest to yell out phrases in Spanish; and just as we come up with, “Viva El Mews,” a Latino gentlemen walks by shaking his head.
5:35p – During the break, we are introduced to Guitar Hero. The head-to-head competitions become fierce as we pick from fine classics such as “More Than a Feeling,” “Smoke On the Water,” and “I Love Rock & Roll.” The Dawg seems to be picking this up really fast and the only person to challenge his prowess is Glock who nailed 96% of his notes on his first time up.
5:55p – Ann arrives. This is her third straight year showing up which puts her in a category few females can (or want to) claim. When saluted for her ability to persevere in light of the stench she remarks, “It only takes about 20 minutes to acclimate to the smell, then you’re fine.”
6:07p – Diskin comes out of the bathroom enraged that someone “…pulled some pansy ass shit and put the toilet seat and the cover down. There aren’t any women here! If anyone else does that I’m gonna kick their ass and throw them out of here.” He’s quickly solidified himself to bubble status for next year.
6:10p - – The Upper Deck has a noticeable funk.
Can't quite figure out why.
6:30p – Old Christine: 9 Time Bomb: 1
7:20p – George Mason vs. Michigan State – I need this game badly. If Michigan St. loses, I immediately lose an Elite Eight team and possibly my annual bet with my dad who has actually picked GMU. Brendan also informs us all that Michigan St. runs a dirty program.
8:20p – A regular at this time of year, Jason Alexander arrives with 2 40 oz. Ice House beers in his possession. Definitely 6th man status.
8:45p – The Old Spice ‘Sweaty Girl’ ad sparks a temporary debate over whether or not she’s really ‘hot.’ It quickly dies down and pales in comparison to anything Diskin can start.
9:17p – Old Christine 14 Time Bomb: 3
Looks like we have this year’s winner.
9:50p – Michigan St. loses to George F’n Mason and I’m in serious trouble on both versions of my brackets.
10:03p – Kansas gets bounced in the first round for a 2nd year in a row, this time to Bradley. This is great because my dad just lost a Final Four team and I’m pretty much guaranteed to win this year. Tim loses his Championship team and Godfrey tears up his brackets. Welcome to March.
10:40p - Guitar Hero resumes for the next 2 hours.
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