Nobody in Chicago Has A Job...

9:30a – I arrive at the Salt N’ Pepper Diner on Clark. This has become the official starting point of the weekend. I am the first one here and I’m a little worried because I’m never the first one anywhere.

9:40a – I am joined by the brothers McNerney, Mews, LD and Ben. We’re off to a solid start with pancakes, eggs, toast and a healthy dose of water.

10:10a – Dombrowski calls to ask where we are and declares, “I’m hungover as sh*t.” Ten minutes later he shows up, reeking of the night before.

10:40a – We enter Hi-Tops and quickly lay claim to 3 tables. Our waitress checks in with us and we are all in agreement – she smells nice. McNereney arrives from the 7-Eleven with Energy USA, whose tag line is “Energy To Work Hard And Fight For Freedom.” These four capsules contain little more than the amount of caffeine in a normal cup of coffee, but we are determined to have someone down all four some time today.

10:45a – Tim begins threatening people: “I’m gonna roof your drink with Energy USA.”

10:53a – The waitress brings us green beer. We’re all a little leery of it, but the first sip is soooo tasty.

10:55a – LD threatens Tim: “Don’t make me whip it out and slap it on your cheek.”

11:20a – Waldo arrives from Kentucky 40 seconds into the first game. Great timing. The count is up to 8.

11:30p – With luggage in tow, Godfrey enters to massive cheering. The Hi-Tops crowd is confused and not amused. He quickly asks, “You guys are drinking already?” The count is now at 9 and we have officially broken our previous record of 8 people at Hi-Tops for the opening of the games.

12:05p – The Dawg (face blocked out for legal purposes) arrives with his luggage on his back and a Schlitz Malt Liquor t-shirt on. The crowd is now in double digits.

12:15p – Seany Boy makes his entrance. Body count is at 11.

12:22p – Four games and nothing but commercials. Dombrowski says, “I didn’t quit my job for this.”

12:25p – The Screaming Eagles are not looking too good. “If B.C. loses, I’m tearing up my brackets.” – Waldo

12:37p – Diskin arrives. The question on everyone’s mind: “With whom will he be picking a constant fight this year?” Last year it was Mews and the two years previous it was Tim and me (mainly out of frustration of the Patriots ruling the NFL while his Steelers remained their proverbial bitch.) Attendance is at 12, and the Steelers maintain their bitch status.

1:03p - The Dawg tries a new version of the Illinois battle cry on Iona:

The Dawg: "I-O-N..."
Us: "A!"

It works for now.

1:30p – The B.C./Pacific signal is horrible. The Dawg declares, “I feel like I’m watching the porn channel.” He also goes on to make a rather impassioned observation of just how many people do not seem to be working in Chicago. “It’s not just at the bar,” he says. “Even on the train here, it was packed and I’m like, ‘Does anyone in this town have a job?’”

1:45p – Glock arrives from Milwaukee. “I had a meeting and then I jumped in the car and raced my ass down here for the Marquette game.” Body count = 13.

1:51p - i see an ad for "Time Bomb," CBS network movie of the year. I'm calling it this year's "Spring Break: Shark Attack."

1:55p – Oscar “O-Town” Medillen enters with luggage in hand. The people at Hi-Tops are really looking at us strangely. We’re at 14 and we’re wondering just how many people are going to show up.

2:20p – Schabel enters and we are at 15. The Dawg is still perplexed as to how the city functions while so many are not working.

3:20p – The games are official. “Spurtability” is dropped by Clark Kellogg. All is right with the world.

3:40p – The first spirited outburst takes place between Diskin and Godfrey over the N.C./Illinois championship game last year. It’s not often Godfrey gets this worked up and I’m afraid he’s goona go apeshit and kill Diskin.

3:50p – Logan shows up making it 16 people, double our previous high for the first day. The Dawg’s theory: “It’s because no one in Chicago has a job.”

3:55p – Diskin says, “I’m the perennial ‘bubble team’ when it comes to being invited to this event.” All the e-mails start going out way early but I don’t hear about it until about the day after Selection Sunday. I’m sitting at home saying, ‘Please let me get invited. Please let me get invited.’ I’m always hoping my belligerent behavior from the year before won’t keep me from getting invited.”

4:15p – “You’re at the big dance. Act like it.” – Diskin in reference to Winthrop losing their lead to Tennessee.

4:25p – Winthrop loses at the last second. Hi-tops is devastated – we wanted the upset. Brendan informs us that Tennesse runs a dirty program. Meanwhile the signal for the Marquette game is gone. CBS has yanked it for some freaky reason and we’re watching a damn ticker. Glock professes, “I’m glad I raced all the way down to a sports bar in Chicago to watch a DAMN SPORTS TICKER!.”

4:30p – “I think my expletives for a whole year add up to the number I throw out on this particular weekend.

4:40p – Marquette loses to Alabama. We alum are crushed and dejected, mainly because we spent most of the game rooting for a damn sports ticker during which time MU actually clawed back and took a lead. Then the signal came back and we watched it all go to hell. Why, Lord? Why do you hate us?

4:45p - Mews still grieves the Marquette loss:

5:25p – The moment many people have been waiting for – The unveiling of the Upper Deck. There has been a lot of talk around it’s ability to faithfully execute the legacy handed down from Ashland Estate. There are three rows of couches – the first couch is one purchased a week ago and whose legs have been sawn off to put it as close to the floor as possible. The second couch is on its own legs. The third couch is on two cinder blocks thereby creating an authentic stadium seating feel. I think this will do just fine, just ask Logan:

7:05p – Due to the bomb scare at Cox Arena, some of the games are pushed back and our customary nap is eliminated from the day. A serious lull in activity follows, hence the gap in the action. But we’re back on.

7:10p – The conversation is centered around all things ‘donkey,’ particularly a donkey show to which Logan asks, “How can you be a guy and not know what a donkey show is?”

7:11p – O-Town: “Ahhh. El Burro!”

7:30p – Godfrey enters the Upper Deck with a 30 Pack of Old Style. The crowd goes crazy and unlike Mark Prior, Godfrey’s shoulder is not in pain.

7:35p - Mary arrives to grab Tim and Chris to go to dinner. She is welcomed by the crowd but also visibly frightened. The three leave the room not 30 seconds later making her appearance the shortest of the tourney so far. Hell, even Marquette lasted longer.

7:45p – Seany Boy is presented with an orange shirt with “I-L-I” on the front; a reference to a flubbed drunk dial to Godfrey last year which should have been, “I-L-L.” Shortly thereafter, Gonzaga wins and my Sweet 16 is still in tact, and Brendan swears Illinois runs a dirty program.

7:57p - The moment we've all been waiting for (aside from Gonzaga losing, whenever that will be). We run the special DVD Ben made for us and we are treated to our annual installment of Schlitz Malt Liquor ads from back in the day. We've been watching these for at least six years now and for the first time, we hear Wilson Pickett let out a "Yeah" as he grabs his package to adjust himself before sitting down in his skin-tight leisure suit. I guess we were too busy laughing at that point in the past.

8:03p – LD comes up with a game that he describes as, “Fun but stupid.” (I can’t believe he’s in sales) It’s similar to buying squares in football and the winner is the person whose squares are the last digits of the teams scores. The loser is the person who has the reverse and has to drink an Old Style out of my old, sweaty 1984 Padres Batting helmet (a reference to a bet from about 4 years ago at Ashland Estate)

9:30p – Diskin Vs. Godfrey – Round II. Looks like this is the argument of the year and we’re back to the whole UNC/Illinois thing. Diskin is quickly navigating back to bubble status and possible NIT status for next year, if not an outright suspension and removal of previous banners.

9:35p – Schabel wins the “Fun but stupid” game. Mitch loses and conincidentally, the helmet goes missing. We don’t know if the pizza delivery guy stole it on his way out or if Balcer hid it. When it’s found, Godfrey takes one for the team and starts to drink the sweet nectar of the Cubs and Diskin dives in to help finish the job. A momentus occasion to be sure seeing that the two were at each other’s throats 5 minutes ago.

10:25p – Mews: “I’m not an admiral. I’m a pirate!”