Look Out For The Bull, Y'all

Gus Needs to Turn It Up...

2010-03-21T15:00:00.002-05:00

1:25p -Another late arrival for yours truly. But not too much has happened. Gonzaga has fallen the The Cuse. Everyone is convinced the Gus is still hungover from the hotel trashing we imagined he pulled for not being able to call the Kansas/Northern Iowa game. Sean relays a conversation with Kerri:
-K: Objectively, why do you guys hate Wisconsin so much?
-S: Objectively?

2:05p - How many DUI's does Huggins have? Mews - "This year?" Brendan -"And what was his graduation rate at Cincinnati? I bet the scene was kind of like Animal House. I can see Huggins in Dean Wormer's office, 'Graduation rate.. zero point zero zero."

2:28p - Godfrey - "I think we need something like Diskin's Shockers t-shirt. That probably took him 4 hours to make."
Logan - "I'm surprised it had sleeves."
Brendan - "It didn't originally. You can put them back on in case you need to go to a wedding."
G-Dawg - "Or court."

2:45p - Regarding the Southwest commercial where luggage handlers flash a rival plane. Brendan- "I think they need to make a commercial where the rival airline does the same thing, but with females."

3:10p - We start thinking up acronyms for our campaign against tournament expansion. You can see where this is going.

Sane
Humans
Irate about
Tournament
Expansion

3:27p - Logan - "That guy's such a drama queen." Larina - "Who, the Missouri Tiger."

3:47p - Michigan St. and Maryland trade last-second sots and bring some excitement to an otherwise slow Sunday.

6:50p - Texas A&M blows an OT shot down low and gives Purdue a chance to make the Big 10 look strong. Brendan - "Yeah, but what about Wisconsin?" A good point.

6:55p - And that wraps up this year's coverage folks. We'll see you next year.

Return of the Dickel...

2010-03-20T23:34:00.001-05:00

10:45a - We're back at Joe's. We are joined by Glock. Our lineup continues to include Mews, BDM, Brendan, Sean, Logan, Larina and your author. Our usual upstairs bar is reserved so we're at the front bar. Our bartender's name is Bernie. Mews speculates that it's just her stage name.

11:14a - Gus Johnson's voice. A sweet sound to our ears. Gus: "Let's get ready to rock n' roll!"

11:26a - Brendan calls out for Xavier.. "X-Nation!" We spot a bottle of Dickel behind the bar. Mews is having none of it.
12:03p - Our bartender for three years running, Katie, is back. She remembers us. She and Bernie love Mews' name. They think it's Muse... like the band... it's cool.

12:20p - Gus Johnson @ the half looks like Mars Blackman... and we still respect the hell out of him.

1:47p - X Nation victory. Big Death tries to pull out a little Dickle trickeration, "I say that if the Tigers win (the Clemson/Missouri game) we do shots of Dickel." We're not falling for it mainly because he refuses to do the shot himself.

2:35p - Oakland's Derrick Nelson takes an elbow to the forehead that gushes blood all over the place. Seriously, I would cry for weeks if I took a shot like that. And, apparently, at Oakland, you can major in dentistry.

2:55p - Logan: "I'm so glad I'm not a girl." Konold:" I'm glad you're not a girl too."

3:00p - Mews: "I'm feeling my age. Bernie said they have to watch out for people who order stuff and just 'peace out.' I have no idea what that means."

5:30p - Back at Mews' place. Sorry, I had to take a small break from the action.

6:30p - The TV's have gone wonky. Mews and I start moving equipment around to fix it. We plan to use blankets and pillows to prop up an already-hot DirecTv box. That's right, flammable material and electronics. We reconsider this and find a safer way to restore the madness.

6:40p - Disch breaks out the big weiner. Literally, it's a 7 pound hot dog. Mews asks how we're going to cook this. Mews: "I got no gas in my grill... but I do have a Foreman."

7:04p - Brendan reels off a host of one-liners regarding the giant hot dog.
"You cooking the Yeti dick over there?"
"Those slices look like Dahmer coasters."
"When you go to the emergency room, make sure to take the wrapper with you so they can see what you ate."

8:47p - Michigan St. drains a big shot. A bench player jumps up, crosses his forearms and powerfully pulls off a Deez Nuts. Classy.

8:59p - Godfrey shows up. "Kaw!"

9:10p - Mews breaks out the Schlitz reel. We thought this thing was lost. It has not aged one bit.

9:45p - Godfrey - "How do you make a turtle sound?"

10:21p - Logan - "That cougar has no claws and too much mascara."

10:40p - The games are winding down and momentum is fleeting. BDM - "Mews, do something dumb."

Gus Is Trashing His Hotel Room...

2010-03-20T21:39:00.000-05:00

1:05p - A late arrival at Mews' place. Maybe we're slowing down. Upon arrival, the one gae is at half and none of the DirecTv signals are working. Then, magically, as if sent by the gods, Lgan shows up and the signal comes back!

1:30p - Every play in St. Mary's playbook reads, "Get the ball to #50."

1:40p - Brendan - "Is Villanova losing the game?" Konold - "They're trying." The Raf - "And Nova consummates the play."

2:10p - St. Mary's pulls out a lucky 3 pointer. The Raf calls onions. Brendan - "That wasn't onions! That was horseshoes, ya lucky bastards."

2:17p - Nova is out. That hurts quite a few of us. Brendan on St. Mary's - "Australians should not be allowed to win. It's bad for the game."

2:44p - Hot Tub Time Machine is this year's Spring Break Shark Attack.

4:00p - Yeah, there's a gap here. But not much has happened beyond murmurs of a trip to Nemo's later.
The camera pans across the Murray St. band. Logan - "Man, I wish that guy played the flute."

5:25p - New Mexico's coach is wearing a bright red jacket. Brendan - "That guy looks like he's gonna try to sell me a house."

6:00p - Bill self is befuddled. How can Kansas be having this hard of a time against Norther Iowa?

6:05 - Brendan - "Gus Johnson is trashing his hotel room right now. He knows he should be calling this game and is going apeshit because he's not."

6:08p - Mews - "How can you not believe in jinxes? This is why I'm superstitious"

6:17p - Bruce Weber's soul has invaded Bill Self's body. He has no idea what's going on.

6:28p - A quick pan across Norther Iowa's players reveals that one has no hair and one's got no teeth. Brendan - "I'd like to see those two in a spelling bee."

6:44p - CBS fixes the game. The refs call a close out-of0bounds against Norther Iowa. Mews - "David Stern is running the NCAA." Brendan - "We got a guy in a suit with a whistle on the floor. Call whatever you want. Three shots."

6:48: Farokhmanesh drains the dagger 3. Huge cabbages on this guy. Anyone know how to say "dagger" in Farsi? Logan - "I think it's just 'dagger.'"

6:50 - Mews: I don't believe in Jinxes.

6:52 - Maps ripped up all over the place.

7:30 - Bren on Callipari after leaving UMass.. There's a burned-out hole of a crater... it look slike an old Soviet republic with burned out power stations and exotic animals eating carcasses. Even the lesbians left Amherst.

7:45p - At this point, we stopped taking notes on the evening. A mass trip was made to Nemo's to bring authenticity and legitimacy to this year's tournament. Besides, after that Norther Iowa/Kansas game, where are you gonna go? Just know that maps are shredded everywhere and the Bruce Weber/Bill Self jokes are flying as much as shredded paper.

Same But Different...

2010-03-18T23:58:00.000-05:00

10:15a: We start off at the Salt N Pepper diner. It's a different one than our original haunt on Clark St. but, it is conveniently down the street from the recently-newly-opened Hi Tops. Brendan is making an appearance for the first time in a few years so we all know we're in for a good treat. However, we're not 100% on Hi Tops actually being open this morning and are hoping we don't have to call and audible.

11:05a: Hi Tops is closed. They told us they'd be open by 10:30a. They're not opening until noon. They suck. We shift on the fly and head two doors over to Buffalo Wild Wings.

11:15a: We decide to leave a note on the door at Hi Tops for Logan lest he think we are nowhere to be found.

11:15a: Two games are on and life is good. The Buffalo Wild Wing staff is not quite sure what to think of us yet.

11:34a: Nova is supposedly not starting Scottie Reynolds to teach him some kind of lesson. Nova soon learns a lesson that it should not piss off Scottie Reynolds if it wants to win.

11:55a: Nova could really screw this up big time. Logan is hoping and praying for Robert Morris to pull this out and relieve Iowa St. of the yoke of being the last 2 seed to lose to a 15.

12:01p: First all-commercial moment. It had to happen some time.

12:02p: Mews - "I set the ground rules ahead of time so what I think is my brain can't take MU to the championship game. I only take them as far as their seed."

12:06p: BDM wonders aloud, "Do chicken tenders and popcorn shrimp counts as surf-n-turf?"

12:31p: Brendan - "Nova Nation!!!"

12:56p: The age-old argument of soccer being tougher than ski jumping is resurrected. We all get a good laugh out of it.

1:20p: ND loses. Looks like the first of many bad picks for many of us.

1:50p: Nova is in OT and the BYU cougars are getting frisky. We're all about cats in this place.

2:11p: Larina - "I'm dong watching Nova suck. Just win by one, dammit!"

2:32p: Godfrey texts and wants to know if we're drinking. (We'll let you put in any wisecrack you think is necessary. We came up with about 147)

2:50p: I say "Murray" you say "State!"

3:40p: Murray St. with a chance to close it out... and they fail. Big Death: "That was Brett Favre-esque." Mews wholeheartedly agrees.

3:41p: Murray St. wins... Everyone goes crazy. Best morning session is a while. Welcome to March madness. Brendan lives to see his riskiest Sweet 16 live to fight another day. Sadly, there is no Dickel at this bar to celebrate the moment.

3:51p: Logan - "Baylor!! Big 12 Basketball!"

4:10p: Mews - "I want a bracket based solely on cheerleaders." Schabel: "MU wouldn't even make the NIT."

5:15p: Butler warms it up! The Minters are going cold. Waldo checks in to say his map is almost busted by an almost-Nova loss.

5:45p: We're back at Mews'. Kentucky isn't sweating their game at all. Schable drops $35 on an HDMI cable to connect his laptop to a monitor.

6:55p: MU starts! It's gonna get ugly. We can tell already. hell, Georgetown/Ohio is already way ugly.. kind of like Georgetown's entire season. I mean, really.. when did the wheels start coming off *this* badly? Oh yeah, their whole season.

7:10p: It's Lazar Hay-WARD, not Haywood.

7:50p: Mews - "Can MU ever lead by more than 3?"

8:07p: LD checks in from New Zealand. but he entered no bracket this year. He just took the money and left. Kind of like a bad-mannered poker player.

8:22p: Northern Iowa shows some cabbages against UNLV. The Godlschlagger is working its magic in the room to sooth the pain of the Marquette loss. But Mews is not drinking. We are concerned.

9:10p: The Big East is 1/3 on the day. Ugh. Wade - "I'm leaving. I'm not spending $200 on a loss tonight."

9:30p: We try to rally Mews with the old, "Olé, olé, olé olé" chant. Mews - "Sorry, guys. I need more time." We start scheming to get Paige from The Admiral to get over here and cheer Mews up.

10:05p: We start watching YouTube videos of people who act out D&D battles. One of them keeps throwing pebbles at people while shouting, "Lightning bolt! Lighting bolt!" We then think that that guys is actually dead. Big Death - "He is. I went to his online funeral."

11:45p: Godfrey's thoughts on Texas' subpar performance on the court and on the sideline. "They should be taking the Megabus home." Brendan is in full agreement.

Back From The Dead....

2010-03-18T06:27:00.000-05:00

Yes, folks it's been a long three years since we last updated these pages. Since then, the storied weekend tradition has seen some highs (Mews dancing to MU victories) and some lows (Casey Moran's on a Thursday). People have made the long trek to Chicago and some have had to miss one here and there. But rest assured good reader, the dream has continued and this year, 'Ol Pickett is gonna take care of you with tourney coverage. Look out for the bull, y'all.

It's The Big 10's Fault...

2007-03-18T18:38:00.001-05:00

11:10a – Guitar Hero is started and Mews’ dreams come true as he earns the right to do an ecore of “Sweet Child O’ Mine.”

11:30a – Andy gets his first crack at Guitar Hero and is rocking the house. At the same time, the Tennessee/Virginia game gets underway.

11:45a – LD returns from Meghan’s and asks Andy, “So does Guitar Hero feel natural?” “Hell no,” Andy responds. “Let’s just say Mews is getting’ the double d’s in the groupies and I’m getting’ double deez nuts!”

12:06p – “The Burger King at Southport and Irving Park was banned by me because they kept screwing up my order. They’re on a working probation right now.” – Mews

12:20p - Clark Kellogg and Seth Davis are verbally duking it out and Special K hands Seth his ass by introducing a new word: “Maestrating.” Take that, Seth, you pansy.

1:08p – Tim: “Have you seen they knocked down the cheap motel they knocked down on Irving Park, next to the Domino’s?”

1:09p – An anonymous contributor says, “My girlfriend Meghan and I talked about having a fetish night where I kidnap her and take her there.”

1:40p – LD is packing up to leave. When asked where he is going, he tells us he is going to dance lessons with Meghan. “There’s all sorts of dancing going these 4 TV’s. What more dancing do you need?”

1:50p – Rafferty is announcing the Florida/Purdue game. He’s already in fine form and knows he has to leave it all on the court after Gus Johnson’s performance yesterday. In 5 minutes we’ve heard, “Puppies,” “Nickel and dimer,” “The big fella,” and “A little blow by!”

2:45p – “What I couldn’t believe was last year, Pittsnoggle’s mom wearing a t-shirt with nothing underneath, and she clearly weighed 400 pounds. I’m glad I didn’t have hi-def for that. That was West Virginia chic at its finest.”

3:00p – Godfrey leaves and heads back to Arizona. “Tell Anne we said hi and we hope to see her next year.” “I will,” Godfrey tells us, “but I have a feeling that she… really… doesn’t miss this.”

3:13p – Brendan: “I wonder how LD’s dancing is going.”

3:38p – With Wisconsin being in the Big 10, not to mention its hippie credentials, it faces elimination and Mews quips, “A badger ain’t nothin’ but a big rat.”

4:13p – At the start of the Kansas/Kentucky game the camera shows our announcers, Jim Nantz and Billy Packer. Billy looks like the following:

-Like he’s been dropped kick by a golf spike

-Like a relief globe of Mars

-Like he fell in some mude

-Like he could be used to aerate a golf green

5:43p – After a prolonged absence, Mews considers giving McNerney the Most Disappointing award.

5:45p – Logan: “Ah, Nick Fazekas, that greek.” Brendan: “Thanks for starting civilization, ya fucks.”

6:09p – Who would you rather listen to? Billy Packer or Dick Vitale?

6:12p – 2007, the year of the suck. There is such low energy permeating practically all games this year. We believe it is all the fault of the Big 10. It has infected every participant and fan this year. Brendan: “I should have flown home yesterday.”

6:33p – The Brothers McNerney roll out, as does Sean. The games are winding down and all that’s left is for USC to kill the clock, not to mention Kevin Durant’s college career. Guitar Hero will commence and we say goodbye to Madness on Ashland.

Gus Johnson For President...

2007-03-17T22:40:00.000-05:00

1:20p - Gus Johnson has lost weight since last year. He chiseled. "He's the Ed Hoculey of college basketball." - Logan

1:26p - Trashing of the Big 10 continues. "Big Ten basketball is MY basketball."

1:28p - "My second guesses are just as bad as my first ones. Which is ironic because there's only two teams." - Brendan

1:35p - Xavier is looking like a serious threat to Ohio St. and Brendan is starting to lament his decision to admonish his girlfriend against picking Xavier to advance past the first round.

2:10p – Gus Johnson proclaims the Ohio St./Xavier game as "The battle for Ohio!" He’s on fire, probably due to a realization that today is his last day of the season since he got the shaft for the next round.

2:13p - "What a stupid cheer. Z no X...." - Godfrey

2:40p - Inspire by the Ohio St. /Xavier game, we spent 30 minutes looking for Gus Johnson clips on the internet.

2:50p - As he heads for the bathroom LD says, "There is no way any of this is gonna be solid."

3:33p - Quinlan McNerney arrives. The first 'next generation' member of March Madness.

4:26p - Butler knocks out Maryland and Godfrey realizes, “Butler and Xavier are those teams you never really think about too much until tourney time and even when you do think about them, you really don’t take them seriously. But you should.”

4:45p - Mews: "There is no announcer who loves college basketball more than Gus Johnson." Brendan: "If he weren't an announcer, he'd be here."

5:00p - Gus Johnson has one of the best moments of this whole weekend: "As my collegue Clark Kellogg would say, 'He's Roberta Flacking ‘em. Killing them... Oh... So... Softly!'"

5:20p – “He babied that one.” Rafferty gently criticizes a free throw.

5:27p - Texas A&M escapes a loss to Louisville and in the course of the game all of the coloring Pitino used to cover his gray has faded.

6:01p - "Washington State is the new Gonzaga. A bunch of dirty West Coast hippies that I don't like, don't want to win but always do, and I don't like their uniforms." - Brendan

6:20p - Suddenly the Vanderbilt/Washington St. Games and the BC/Georgetown games become exciting. The crowd comes alive at the Upper Deck for the second time today, two more times than we were in the last two days.

6:43p - VCU/Pitt: Still pumped from cheering them on over Duke, the crowd wants to see them continue their progress and slaughter Pittsburgh. Myself and one other person are the only two rooting for Pitt but it’s for selfish bracket purposes only.

7:10p – Vanderbilt and Washington St are in double overtime. It’s the damn hippies verses Skuchas and Skuchas is mopping the floor with them. “It’s because these damn hippies don’t build their stamina on the commune!” - Unknown

7:13p – The hippies of Washington St. are sent back home to their commune to recycle their crap. By the way, could any more game deciding free throws be missed?

7:50p – North Carolina/Michigan St & UCLA/Indiana – Watching the Big Ten is like watching the WNBA.

8:20p - With the number of people and the level of energy, you'd think this was Sunday evening. And with that, the night drifts off into mediocre silence.

Look Out For the Red Bull...

2007-03-16T23:58:00.000-05:00

10:00a - Back @ Upper Deck, Glock and I meet up with Mews, LD and Godfrey. Everyone is a little groggy and Mews is finishing up a quick clean up job of the place. “If you gotta piss, just don’t leave any drops on the floor. I just cleaned in there.”

10:30a - Arrive at Joe's. Much darker than usual as we take our usual perch. Allison is taking care of us today.

11:15a - Games start again. Diskin and Bren have Albany picked to beat Virginia. Bren is just hedging his psychological bets - if UVA wins he'll be happy. If they lose he will have called it and his brackets will be in tact.

11:27a - Logan arrives to find 8 of us sitting here and proclaims, "There is something so comforting about seeing this."

11:29a - North Texas is hereby named The Green Showers and everyone is hoping they beat Memphis because Calipari runs a dirty program. Not to mention this has been a boring tournament so far with no drama so a 15 upset of a 2 seed would make our day.

11:30a - Tim: “So should we call Meghan so you can apologize in advance for your behavior?” LD: “No. She's got a big interview and the last thing she needs on her mind is Steve on Red Bull and Vodka pre-11:30.”

11:46a – Logan: “Two words: Shampoo Effect.”

12”00p – “We haven't hit half time on a single a game and Mews is already hopped up.” - Brendan

12:45p - Mews is working a dirty program on Allison and another waitress at the end of the bar. "The score is 12-0. And I've got the 0."

1:17p - UNLV and Georgia Tech are close. Bren proclaims, "I've got GT picked so those of you picked them too are screwed."

1:35p - With no one listening to him, Godfrey tells his sandwich, "Lon Kreuger started running a dirty program when he came to Illinois."

1:37p - Logan is now working his own dirty program on Allison. "So is this your first bartending job?"

1:45p - A phantom foul and a bogus 5 second call, both of which favored UNLV and subsequently led to their victory over Georgia Tech, leads to no other conclusion: Dirty Program in Vegas.

1:46p – “These beer pitchers are really slender at the bottom. Like me.” – BDM

1:50p - When asked whom among us is the 'creepy guy' in the group, Allison responds, “The guy at the end drinking Diet Coke (Godfrey). He's not really drinking much.” Lest I be tagged a creepy guy, I order another gin & tonic.

1:53p - Offended at that last entry, Bren threatens, "I'll put that broad's head through the granite."

1:57p – “Konold, no matter where you are in Jamaica, you're high.” – Logan

1:10p - Logan: “Wow, check out Mews rockin' the Salt N Peppa.” Mews: “What don't I rock?”

1:11p – “Just keep the Red Bull and vodka comin'. I got more where that came from.”

1:25p – Texas A& M CC is beating Wisconsin early. Godfrey is so excited and it's only 2 minutes into the game.

1441 – “We've just decided that Jim Callhoun is the Ron Zook of the Big East.” – BDM

1:02p - Upon seeing the Texas A&M CC mascot Godfrey asks, "What is that thing?" Bren: “It's either seaweed or herpes sore I can't tell.”

1:47p – Tennessee/Long Beach St. – 200 total points. Bruce Pearl runs a dirty program. Just look at that man tan.

1610 - Violins kickin' ass - Diskin

4:15p - Seany kicks a trash can out of frustration that if Creighton loses, he'll lose his 5th Sweet 16 and that ND was an elite 8 loss.

4:30p - Because we're sophomoric, we get Mews a shot of a whiskey called Dickel.

4:32p – “If I get sick, I'm blaming it on Dickel.” – Mews

5:17p - Me, Glock, BDM, Bren & Diskin are freezing outside the Upper Deck while Mew, LD, Logan, and Sean are sampling free shots of Irish liquor at the CVS and Jewel on Southport.

6:45p – “I got Dickel and a brumsky in the same day” - Mews

7:25p - Diskin is taught the difference between the sleeper and the stranger.

7:37p - Godfrey booed for Bruce Weber impression mocking Weber's mother's death.

7:41p - Illinois is doing everything it can to lose against Virginia Tech.

8:08p - Jim Mews, all hokey no pokey.

8:45p - The Schlitz Malt Liquor reel rolls. Roofus Thomas, The Bull and Wilson Pickett. All is right w/ the world.

9:20p - Logan sermonizes that Godfrey should always carry with him a milk crate, that way wherever he goes, he will be able to put it down and rise above the crowd and dispense his knowledge of Ilini basketball and Cubs underperformers. Now, these aren’t his exact words but it’s the best I could do from memory. The truth is no one knows exactly what he said but the room became eerily silent as he said it and it was quite genius.

9:57p – “Tantalizing!” - Rafferty. Finally this tournament is showing a bit of life.

10:43p - This tournament sucks. No big upsets. All 5 seeds have won. The highest seed to do anything is a six. Six is the new five.

11:15p – The games are a disappointment so we break out Guitar Hero II. People still have skills and Mews is clearly the odds on favorite to rock house tomorrow night.

I Heart Washington State...

2007-03-15T23:03:00.000-05:00

10:00a – Mews, Tim and Brendan arrive at the Salt N’ Pepper to find me waiting for them. There is a slight pause as they are not expecting me to be here from Jamaica. According to all three of them, I’m running a dirty program.

10:30a - There are no winners in the Big 10. If you're in the big ten you're a big loser. – Mews

10:58a – For some reason, Hi-Tops is getting all of their deliveries this morning which means a large back door is open (take that any way you want) and there is a serious freeze in this joint. Time quips, “I'm gonna need a drinking glove it's so cold in here.”

11:20a - Tip off Maryland vs. Davidson. The tourney has begun. WE’ve been waiting a long time for this.

11:30a – Lauren is our waitress and kicks off the day by bringing a full tray of beers before we really settle in. Hi-Tops has a special this year: $20 gets you “all you can eat/drink” access to a buffet and drinks. We like her already.

11:31 – Tim thinks to “tip waitress in advance” and she’ll be great to us, to which Mews quickly shouts, “Keep the drinks comin!"

11:37a – Man down. First spill of the day belongs to Chad, one of Mews’ co-workers. Diskin quickly chimes in, “And it wasn’t me!” LD replies, “Mews brought him.”

11:48a – Lauren comes back and asks, “You guys want me to just keep bringing 'em?” Chad replies, “Yeah, can you bring me a tippy cup?” Lauren reports back a few minutes later that after asking all of her co-workers, nobody knows what a ‘tippy cup’ is.

12:05p – Davidson is doing a rain dance at the free throw line. – Brendan

12:45p - Godfrey shows up with luggage in tow.

1:05p – The first final of the tournament. BC knocks off Texas Tech and Bobby Knight has yet another first round loss. The highlighter to mark victories on our brackets is officially dubbed the “Victory Marker.”

1:25p - I gave up victory for Lent. – Bren

1:30p - It's 1:30 and Marquette hasn't been eliminated yet. – LD

1:50p – Mark to Bren, “Here's the victory pen.” "Yeah I don't need that yet,” he dryly replies.

2:00p - Logan is painfully reminded that his Alma matter, Iowa St, a 2 seed, was upset by the Hampton Pirates, a 15 seed, in 2000. Arrrrgh!

2:30p - Tim to LD – “You don't liike vommiting. I don't have such a problem with it.”

2:43p - Washington St is full old dirty hippies. That guy could make out with Joakim Noah and you wouldn't know who the dude was. – Tim

2:44p – Tim to Logan: “You know what you have that the rest of us don't? Visual proof that Mews hooked up w/ a girl.”

3:03p - Waldo is missing March Madness for the first time since its inception. He is in Louisville, going to school and is at this weekend’s games. At the moment, Tim and I are on the phone with him and using every means necessary (guilt, bribery, shame, etc.) to pressure him to sell his tickets and drive up here.

3:18p – Oral Roberts University loses and Mews let us know, “There will be no more Oral in the tourney.”

4:35p – The games are coming to a close and whoever is working the remotes here at Hi-Tops are not on the ball so some TV’s have Dr. Phil on them. Godfrey proclaims, “I don't wanna watch no anorexic twins. I wanna watch basketball.”

6:20p – The Marquette/Michigan St. game starts. Turrets Syndrome all around.

6:30P – Marquette doesn’t score a point for most of the first half. Brendan wonders, “Who's the Big 10 team here?”

6:35p - Kebone arrives still in work attire. He 'makes it rain' with coasters from a bar.

6:45p -Mitch and Balcer arrive at the Upper Deck to much heralding from the crowd.

6:55p - Ibok dislocates his elbow in the Marquette/Michigan St. game and they keep showing it. The crowd winces and screams every time. It’s pretty gross.

7:00p – There is always Dong in Michigan St basketball – Tim

7:40p – My first taste of Nemo's in a year. While we are in line Manny asks if he can get one of the t-shirts Brendan has made for the tournament.

7:57p - The Marquette game, an obvious loss, has lost our interest. Everyone is now pinning their excitement, attention and hope on VCU possibly besting Duke.

8:20p - Waldo isn't answering his phone. He's either on his way or not answering because he doesn't want to be harassed anymore. – Tim

9:15 - If you're not too busy, you should do that. – Godfrey

9:20p - Tank Johnson is dirty. He's from the desert. - Godfrey

9:30p - Godfrey's autobiography – ‘Me, Bill Self and I.’ - Brendan

9:40 - If you go to Champaign you'll get robbed by Rod Zook – Godfrey

12:15p - LD watches (in secret) as Diskin and Logan join hands and spin in a circle while punching each other. It is very reminiscent of the 'Beat It' video only it's a million times funnier b/c of their current condition.

So Close, I Can Taste It...

2006-11-20T10:21:00.000-06:00

As of this week the NCAA Tournament is a mere 16 weeks away and already the natives are getting restless. Cries have been going out, "Only six months until the tourney!" The countdown has begun and it looks like this time around will be the last time it happens on Ashland Avenue.

As that is the case, Steve (a.k.a. LD) is already setting the stage of tomfoolery. He has eagerly passed along this as an indicator of what the competitive stakes will be this time around. He writes, "Forget crackers, we're doing tihs! Two conditions: 1) Not inside - it will be on the deck. 2) I do not sit next to Brendan during this competition."

Given the Cracker Volcano incident during this year's tournament, that last condition is completely understandable.

Now is the time to get your act together, friends. Not March. Start practicing.

Crap-tastic

2006-04-01T23:26:00.000-06:00

It's official. My "On The Crapper" picks did better than my "researched" picks; 77 vs. 64, respectively.

Up until the end of tonight's UCLA/LSU fiasco, I was in first place in the Starcom pool and am now tied for third. I can hold that position if Florida wins Monday night.

Not bad for a guy who hadn't even been awake for 30 minutes on March 13th. I guess that settles that debate.

See you all next year.

Always Use Protection...

2006-03-28T12:14:00.000-06:00

As demonstrated by our model...

Shocking The Nation...

2006-03-27T18:57:00.000-06:00

There appears to be some fallout around the Wichita State cheerleaders and their bold, yet somewhat questionable move, in flashing the shocker hand signal on live TV.

What kills me is the fact that a site, hosted by the university itself, has this picture posted on it with our famed cheerleaders advertising their naughtiness.

And while we're at it, this may be the only chance these gentlemen will ever have to give 'The Shocker!"

This just doesn't get old. I mean really, the University is kind of screwed (um...) whether they say something about this or not. If they do, they recognize that the administration actually knows what this is. If they don't, it will run rampant and evolve into a PR nightmare.

My question is, is The Shocker mascot able to hand out the very move he endorses? He only has 3 fingers to begin with and I doubt his third finger has the range to make it to the back door. Judge for yourself:

Two In The Orange, One In The... Nothing Rhymes With Orange

2006-03-19T21:44:00.000-06:00

1:45p - Bradley continues its Cinderella dance by knocking off Pitt.

3:42p - Gus Johnson: "Cinderella has a new name - George." George Mason has just knocked off North Carolina and is going to the Sweet 16. All the NC fans are crushed and can't believe it. I'm just scared that this will inspire Godfrey to talk smack to Diskin, thereby taking this year's running argument to Level III.

3:55p - Kentucky falls to UConn and Godfrey and Anne take their leave of us. It's a sad farewell to two figures who have become prominent staples at this annual event.

4:00p - Diskin arrives showing his jersey which shows his allegiance to his new favorite team.

4:30p – Wichita St. vs. Tennessee. Not only does Tennessee run a dirty program, the cheerleading squad of Wichita State does as well. On national television they throw up the hand signal for the shocker:

We all notice it and suddenly the day becomes interesting.

5:40p - Ohio State loses and the Big 10 is officially out of the tournament. What a joke.

5:45p - Brendan: "Godfrey made his exit before Gonzaga. That never happens."

6:00p – The Dawg chimes in from his East Coast compound to let us know he just saw an ad for 'The New Adventures of Old Christine." He adds, "Going from 4 TV's to 1 TV that you can't change is like getting off a skateboard while going downhill." He assures us that as soon as his financial advisor OK's its purchase, Guitar Hero will grace his home.

6:20p - Brendan: "Conference Mews-S-A." Mews, one-time biggest fan of C-USA, retorts, "Confernece USA sucks. Always has. Except for Marquette."

6:34p - This one is in the books folks. All players left standing shake hands and call it a weekend.

Onions

2006-03-18T23:40:00.000-06:00

11:15a – The games are on. In attendance: Mews, LD, Meghan, Sean, Kerri, Tim, Brendan, Logan, Waldo. Nothing too intense going on right now. It looks like it might be somewhat of a tame day. Of course, I say this now.

11:45a – Lunch run to Hot Doug’s. I’ve never been to this place but it’s legendary in Chicago. After a 20 minute wait outside, a 10 minute wait inside and a 5 minute wait for the food, I feast on a Buffalo Sausage and Duck Fat Fries. Heaven.

3:13p – In trying to think of some of the great Bill Rafferty one-liners, Brendan reminds us of, “Onions!” – a player having some pretty big balls to throw up a gutsy shot and making it.

4:37p – Onions all over this bracket as LSU squeaks by Texas A&M by one point. Brendan cautions us that we’re using “Onions” too much.

6:25p – Illinois loses to Washington. Godfrey has been screaming for the past two hours about offensive rebounds, lobbing up stupid shots, lack of leadership on the floor, etc.

8:00p - The Cracker Off: It is damn near impossible to eat 6 saltine crackers in under a minute; your mouth just can't produce enough saliva to break it down. Of course we have to try this and to make it really interesting, we up the number to 7.

8:02p - I forget who went in the first round, but we're on to round 2 and right before it begins, Stevie drops the worst piece of ass so far this weekend. It causes Brendan to almost hit the floor and Stevie laughs so hard, the water he just swallowed comes back in a semi-puke form all over the couch. It's almost enough to get him barred from the rest of the weekend.

8:03p - In the middle of the competition, Brendan spews cracker dust in to the air - twice. It goes everywhere... looks like a cheap cocaine prop in a college student film. His approach to the crackers - stuff them all in his mouth and once and just work it. He gains little success and spends the rest of the night blowing cracker remnants out of his nose. Here we see the hat covered in the magical dust:

10:15p - The games are over and it's time for the Guitar Hero playoffs. O-Dawg, the brothers McNerney, Mews, LD, Seany Boy Diskin and myself engage in a brackety-style match to see who will be King of the Rock at the Upper Deck. The early rounds weed out Diskin, Brendan and O-Dawg while Seany Boy, Tim and I battle it out for middle ground. Ultimately the house owners are in the final match and Mews edges out LD to be crowned this year's UGH (Ultimate Guitar Hero)

Amy – Queen of Joe’s

2006-03-17T23:33:00.000-06:00

11:03a – I arrive at Joe’s, our usual Second Day stop and something is different. Our usual “upstairs bar” has been redecorated from a timber-themed sports bar to a combination of granite and stainless steel with stupid little votive candles and one less television. Poor.

11:30a – The Dawg tries a new version of the Illinois/Iona name spelling:

The Dawg: “B-U-C-K…”
Us: "N-E-L-L!"

It works.

11:37a – “All of the Iowa players look like they’re in their 40’s – receding hairlines, bald spots. I mean seriously, the coach is this guy’s son.” – Brendan

12:02p – The secret party room next to the bar has intrigued us for years. It’s usually opened by some guy who has stuck around Joe’s long enough to grant access to it and he usually invites a healthy number of unsuspecting 22 year old ladies and whatever sexually hopeful slugs they bring with them. This year’s crowd is no exception.

1:06p – The Dawg suggests that this year’s “Spring Break: Shark Attack” is this show CBS keeps touting, “The New Adventures of Old Christine.” He disputes yesterday’s “Time Bomb” call and starting now, he’s keeping score.

1:17p – Mews’ new strategy for NCAA weekend: “I’m not rooting for my brackets. The way I see it, you root for ALL upsets the first two rounds. The, in the aftertmath, look to the Sweet Sixteen to see if you stand to win any money.”

1:18p – Mews: “Konold, write that down.” Mews is now the new Van Wilder, not only because he instructed me to “write that down,” but because he closed Tai’s til 4, was up at 8:00 and had his first Guiness at 9:30a. BTW – he wishes everyone a “Tap O’ The Mornin’ to Ya!”

1:25p – Old Christine: 3 Time Bomb: 0

1:27p – We start recounting all the shows/movies CBS has pathetically failed to launch despite a mega-blitz during the tournament. So far we have:

Spring Break: Shark Attack
Baby Bob
Falcone
Sons of Thunder
Grapevine
My Big Fat Greek Life

1:35p – Northwestern State takes out Iowa – biggest upset yet. I just took it on the chin and lost a Sweet 16. Brendan thinks it’s because NW St. runs a dirty program.

2:00p – Brendan: “How could you not like Tokyo? I love that place. It’s so f’n weird.”

4:05p – Remember the secret party room I mentioned earlier? One of our fair maidens emerges shit faced and barely able to stand. At first glance she leans against Tim, starts to tub herself up and down and proclaims in the raspiest, dirtiest voice, “I’m humpin’ mah boss!” Tim, in utter shock and fearing a disease, tries to escape only to have her further explain to us all, “I’m dippin’ my pen in the company ink!”

4:07p – We decide to engage in what little conversation we can with fair Amy:

Amy: “Hey, who did you pick to win the tournament?”
Tim: “Kansas.”
Amy: “I picked Boston.”
Tim: “You mean Boston College?”
Amy: “No. Boston. Hey, who did you pick?”
Me: “Connecticut.”
Amy: “How come?”
Me: “Because I’m from Connecticut.”
Amy: “Then why didn’t you pick Boston?”

We promptly depart leaving our heroine to find her way through the rest of the day.

4:15p – The Dawg tosses out a theory: “One of her guy friends is thinking to himself, ‘Okay. I got about 35 minutes to hit that before she pukes. Yeah, I can do it.”

4:47p – Those of us who make it back to the Upper Deck before everyone (including anyone who lives there) are trying our hardest to yell out phrases in Spanish; and just as we come up with, “Viva El Mews,” a Latino gentlemen walks by shaking his head.

5:35p – During the break, we are introduced to Guitar Hero. The head-to-head competitions become fierce as we pick from fine classics such as “More Than a Feeling,” “Smoke On the Water,” and “I Love Rock & Roll.” The Dawg seems to be picking this up really fast and the only person to challenge his prowess is Glock who nailed 96% of his notes on his first time up.

5:55p – Ann arrives. This is her third straight year showing up which puts her in a category few females can (or want to) claim. When saluted for her ability to persevere in light of the stench she remarks, “It only takes about 20 minutes to acclimate to the smell, then you’re fine.”

6:07p – Diskin comes out of the bathroom enraged that someone “…pulled some pansy ass shit and put the toilet seat and the cover down. There aren’t any women here! If anyone else does that I’m gonna kick their ass and throw them out of here.” He’s quickly solidified himself to bubble status for next year.

6:10p - – The Upper Deck has a noticeable funk.

Can't quite figure out why.

6:30p – Old Christine: 9 Time Bomb: 1

7:20p – George Mason vs. Michigan State – I need this game badly. If Michigan St. loses, I immediately lose an Elite Eight team and possibly my annual bet with my dad who has actually picked GMU. Brendan also informs us all that Michigan St. runs a dirty program.

8:20p – A regular at this time of year, Jason Alexander arrives with 2 40 oz. Ice House beers in his possession. Definitely 6^th man status.

8:45p – The Old Spice ‘Sweaty Girl’ ad sparks a temporary debate over whether or not she’s really ‘hot.’ It quickly dies down and pales in comparison to anything Diskin can start.

9:17p – Old Christine 14 Time Bomb: 3

Looks like we have this year’s winner.

9:50p – Michigan St. loses to George F’n Mason and I’m in serious trouble on both versions of my brackets.

10:03p – Kansas gets bounced in the first round for a 2^nd year in a row, this time to Bradley. This is great because my dad just lost a Final Four team and I’m pretty much guaranteed to win this year. Tim loses his Championship team and Godfrey tears up his brackets. Welcome to March.

10:40p - Guitar Hero resumes for the next 2 hours.

Nobody in Chicago Has A Job...

2006-03-16T23:17:00.000-06:00

9:30a – I arrive at the Salt N’ Pepper Diner on Clark. This has become the official starting point of the weekend. I am the first one here and I’m a little worried because I’m never the first one anywhere.

9:40a – I am joined by the brothers McNerney, Mews, LD and Ben. We’re off to a solid start with pancakes, eggs, toast and a healthy dose of water.

10:10a – Dombrowski calls to ask where we are and declares, “I’m hungover as sh*t.” Ten minutes later he shows up, reeking of the night before.

10:40a – We enter Hi-Tops and quickly lay claim to 3 tables. Our waitress checks in with us and we are all in agreement – she smells nice. McNereney arrives from the 7-Eleven with Energy USA, whose tag line is “Energy To Work Hard And Fight For Freedom.” These four capsules contain little more than the amount of caffeine in a normal cup of coffee, but we are determined to have someone down all four some time today.

10:45a – Tim begins threatening people: “I’m gonna roof your drink with Energy USA.”

10:53a – The waitress brings us green beer. We’re all a little leery of it, but the first sip is soooo tasty.

10:55a – LD threatens Tim: “Don’t make me whip it out and slap it on your cheek.”

11:20a – Waldo arrives from Kentucky 40 seconds into the first game. Great timing. The count is up to 8.

11:30p – With luggage in tow, Godfrey enters to massive cheering. The Hi-Tops crowd is confused and not amused. He quickly asks, “You guys are drinking already?” The count is now at 9 and we have officially broken our previous record of 8 people at Hi-Tops for the opening of the games.

12:05p – The Dawg (face blocked out for legal purposes) arrives with his luggage on his back and a Schlitz Malt Liquor t-shirt on. The crowd is now in double digits.

12:15p – Seany Boy makes his entrance. Body count is at 11.

12:22p – Four games and nothing but commercials. Dombrowski says, “I didn’t quit my job for this.”

12:25p – The Screaming Eagles are not looking too good. “If B.C. loses, I’m tearing up my brackets.” – Waldo

12:37p – Diskin arrives. The question on everyone’s mind: “With whom will he be picking a constant fight this year?” Last year it was Mews and the two years previous it was Tim and me (mainly out of frustration of the Patriots ruling the NFL while his Steelers remained their proverbial bitch.) Attendance is at 12, and the Steelers maintain their bitch status.

1:03p - The Dawg tries a new version of the Illinois battle cry on Iona:

The Dawg: "I-O-N..."
Us: "A!"

It works for now.

1:30p – The B.C./Pacific signal is horrible. The Dawg declares, “I feel like I’m watching the porn channel.” He also goes on to make a rather impassioned observation of just how many people do not seem to be working in Chicago. “It’s not just at the bar,” he says. “Even on the train here, it was packed and I’m like, ‘Does anyone in this town have a job?’”

1:45p – Glock arrives from Milwaukee. “I had a meeting and then I jumped in the car and raced my ass down here for the Marquette game.” Body count = 13.

1:51p - i see an ad for "Time Bomb," CBS network movie of the year. I'm calling it this year's "Spring Break: Shark Attack."

1:55p – Oscar “O-Town” Medillen enters with luggage in hand. The people at Hi-Tops are really looking at us strangely. We’re at 14 and we’re wondering just how many people are going to show up.

2:20p – Schabel enters and we are at 15. The Dawg is still perplexed as to how the city functions while so many are not working.

3:20p – The games are official. “Spurtability” is dropped by Clark Kellogg. All is right with the world.

3:40p – The first spirited outburst takes place between Diskin and Godfrey over the N.C./Illinois championship game last year. It’s not often Godfrey gets this worked up and I’m afraid he’s goona go apeshit and kill Diskin.

3:50p – Logan shows up making it 16 people, double our previous high for the first day. The Dawg’s theory: “It’s because no one in Chicago has a job.”

3:55p – Diskin says, “I’m the perennial ‘bubble team’ when it comes to being invited to this event.” All the e-mails start going out way early but I don’t hear about it until about the day after Selection Sunday. I’m sitting at home saying, ‘Please let me get invited. Please let me get invited.’ I’m always hoping my belligerent behavior from the year before won’t keep me from getting invited.”

4:15p – “You’re at the big dance. Act like it.” – Diskin in reference to Winthrop losing their lead to Tennessee.

4:25p – Winthrop loses at the last second. Hi-tops is devastated – we wanted the upset. Brendan informs us that Tennesse runs a dirty program. Meanwhile the signal for the Marquette game is gone. CBS has yanked it for some freaky reason and we’re watching a damn ticker. Glock professes, “I’m glad I raced all the way down to a sports bar in Chicago to watch a DAMN SPORTS TICKER!.”

4:30p – “I think my expletives for a whole year add up to the number I throw out on this particular weekend.

4:40p – Marquette loses to Alabama. We alum are crushed and dejected, mainly because we spent most of the game rooting for a damn sports ticker during which time MU actually clawed back and took a lead. Then the signal came back and we watched it all go to hell. Why, Lord? Why do you hate us?

4:45p - Mews still grieves the Marquette loss:

5:25p – The moment many people have been waiting for – The unveiling of the Upper Deck. There has been a lot of talk around it’s ability to faithfully execute the legacy handed down from Ashland Estate. There are three rows of couches – the first couch is one purchased a week ago and whose legs have been sawn off to put it as close to the floor as possible. The second couch is on its own legs. The third couch is on two cinder blocks thereby creating an authentic stadium seating feel. I think this will do just fine, just ask Logan:

7:05p – Due to the bomb scare at Cox Arena, some of the games are pushed back and our customary nap is eliminated from the day. A serious lull in activity follows, hence the gap in the action. But we’re back on.

7:10p – The conversation is centered around all things ‘donkey,’ particularly a donkey show to which Logan asks, “How can you be a guy and not know what a donkey show is?”

7:11p – O-Town: “Ahhh. El Burro!”

7:30p – Godfrey enters the Upper Deck with a 30 Pack of Old Style. The crowd goes crazy and unlike Mark Prior, Godfrey’s shoulder is not in pain.

7:35p - Mary arrives to grab Tim and Chris to go to dinner. She is welcomed by the crowd but also visibly frightened. The three leave the room not 30 seconds later making her appearance the shortest of the tourney so far. Hell, even Marquette lasted longer.

7:45p – Seany Boy is presented with an orange shirt with “I-L-I” on the front; a reference to a flubbed drunk dial to Godfrey last year which should have been, “I-L-L.” Shortly thereafter, Gonzaga wins and my Sweet 16 is still in tact, and Brendan swears Illinois runs a dirty program.

7:57p - The moment we've all been waiting for (aside from Gonzaga losing, whenever that will be). We run the special DVD Ben made for us and we are treated to our annual installment of Schlitz Malt Liquor ads from back in the day. We've been watching these for at least six years now and for the first time, we hear Wilson Pickett let out a "Yeah" as he grabs his package to adjust himself before sitting down in his skin-tight leisure suit. I guess we were too busy laughing at that point in the past.

8:03p – LD comes up with a game that he describes as, “Fun but stupid.” (I can’t believe he’s in sales) It’s similar to buying squares in football and the winner is the person whose squares are the last digits of the teams scores. The loser is the person who has the reverse and has to drink an Old Style out of my old, sweaty 1984 Padres Batting helmet (a reference to a bet from about 4 years ago at Ashland Estate)

9:30p – Diskin Vs. Godfrey – Round II. Looks like this is the argument of the year and we’re back to the whole UNC/Illinois thing. Diskin is quickly navigating back to bubble status and possible NIT status for next year, if not an outright suspension and removal of previous banners.

9:35p – Schabel wins the “Fun but stupid” game. Mitch loses and conincidentally, the helmet goes missing. We don’t know if the pizza delivery guy stole it on his way out or if Balcer hid it. When it’s found, Godfrey takes one for the team and starts to drink the sweet nectar of the Cubs and Diskin dives in to help finish the job. A momentus occasion to be sure seeing that the two were at each other’s throats 5 minutes ago.

10:25p – Mews: “I’m not an admiral. I’m a pirate!”

Keep This With You At All Times...

2006-03-15T13:04:00.000-06:00

What are the odds someone will become so incapacitated at a local haunt that they will pass out in a cab and not be able to tell the driver where to take them? Probably as good a chance as a 12 seed upsetting a 5.

Therefore the management has seen fit to provide you with this picture of our hero, Rufus Thomas, with some helpful information should you go M.I.A. Simply keep a copy in your back pocket so when they search you for I.D., they will know where to take you.

Thanks to L.D. for putting this together.

Crazy Coach Chaney

2006-03-13T10:50:00.000-06:00

This just in... Temple Coach John Chaney has announced his retirement after 24 years.

This is a terrible loss. What a staple this man has been to college basketball and the Big Dance. So many times we have seen the image: Shirt partially unbuttoned, tie dangling around his stomach, eyes as deeply sunk as a last-second three pointer (eerily resembing the Owl of Temple) screaming his head off at players and refs alike. We affectionately referred to him as "Crazy Coach Chaney," and at times it would appear that we were not far from the mark. But on the whole, he was a great coach and his absence, like so many before him (Smith, Thompson, etc.) will be noticed.

The paragon of passion and zeal. I will miss him.

Going With My Gut

2006-03-13T09:11:00.000-06:00

Usually I have newspapers spread out on tables looking like I’m about to plan some sort of invasion. I scrutinize, ponder, read and reflect on my picks tirelessly knowing that even the earliest of games can spell the difference between joy and agony.

And all of that typically gets me a one way ticket to Loserville.

This year, I’m trying a little experiment. As I roamed the house this morning, my bowels let me know that some quality time in the bathroom was upon me. Knowing that I was about to tax my body, mind and spirit over this bracket, I was reminded of the old saying to ‘always go with one’s gut.’ Seeing that my gut was stirring, I decided to take an empty bracket with me and make my picks right there, in the moment, live and without hesitation. I wasn’t walking out of that bathroom without a national champ and given what I am capable of in there, I didn’t want to linger too long in deliberation.

My initial “On The Crapper” picks are done and my Final Four are: Uconn, Villanova, UCLA, and Texas; Uconn and Texas are in the final game and Uconn cuts down the nets. Fair enough.

This is Monday morning, mind you. I’ve not yet had my coffee and I have not yet had any crazy dreams about Murray St. Give it time. My yearly routine will soon begin and my dining room will soon resemble something out of ‘A Beautiful Mind.’

In other news, it’s official: Brendan, The Dawg, O-Dawg and Godfrey are coming. The Illinois game will severely determine our schedule this week. If they play Friday, our annual day at Joe’s might flip to Thursday.

Why, you ask? Let’s see:

--An Illinois game

--On St. Patrick’s Day

--Which this year is a Friday

--In Chicago

I’d rather take on a band of spider monkeys.

A Word From Godfrey...

2006-03-12T21:17:00.000-06:00

this year's gonzaga award goes to...

gonzaga.

when CBS panned over the "zags" right after their seed announcement, there was absolutely no acknowledgment or even slight excitment (even after the obvious tape delay); it looked like they were at a funeral. poor bulldogs. the media is already complaining for them, saying that they got hosed. i've said it once, and I'll say it again: if you complain about your seeding, you are disrespecting your opponent and you deserve to get thumped in the first round--especially if you don't come from a power conference.

as always, i'll be rooting hard for the "zags" to go down. they play no defense. i hate everything about that school and their team. and John stocton was a dirty player in the NBA. if they make it to the final four, i will boycot it.

(this is gonzaga's third gonzaga award in four years)

We'll Pour One Out For 'Ol Pickett...

2006-03-12T16:14:00.000-06:00

That has been the Subject line of about 200 e-mails in the last two months which have been sent and received by the most committed of March Madness fans. Yes, this year’s festivities open in the shadow of a great loss. On January 19^th of this year, Wilson Pickett died of a heart attack but not before leaving us with one of the most memorable Malt Liquor commercials of all time. It holds so much meaning, in fact, it was played at McNerney’s wedding reception last July. No doubt, when the tape rolls this year, we will all sing a little bit louder and maybe even pour out a Schlitz Malt Liquor for our fallen homie.

I think we’re in for a good year. The Madness has moved a few doors down from Ashland Estate to The Upper Deck, home of Jim Mews and Steve Disch. As a show of its strength and legitimacy, the Upper Deck is sporting a 48” flat screen which will be showing games in HD. And in keeping with it’s name, the Upper Deck recently purchased an extra couch which will be on risers to provide more of a stadium seating feel. Make no mistake, folks, the size of the room may be a bit tighter than that of Ashland Estate, but the spirit has grown larger and if you don’t think we will cram that place to capacity, you must be a rookie.

The brackets will be out soon. The buzz is in the air. Duke has just won the ACC tournament and ‘Cuse is on fire. Looks like the #1 seeds will be Duke, Uconn, Villanova and Memphis – although I think Texas deserves that last one.

Yes indeed, friends… it’s on like Donkey Kong.

You Don't Gotta Go Home...

2005-03-21T09:58:00.000-06:00

Well, I think it’s pretty obvious I dropped the ball (pun intended) in covering the last of the weekend, but I can tell you this – the first two days did such a number on people, the energy of Saturday and Sunday was almost non-existent. There was Nothing left in the tank and we were running on fumes. Personally, my brackets are looking damn ugly and I am getting my ass handed to me in regards to my annual bet with my father.

I have a feeling this will be the last report from this year’s tournament and by extension, the last report from Ashland Estates. In a few months we will vacate the premises after a 5 year occupation and the annual gathering will move to its next incarnation. I’m not afraid that it will die off. It is too strong a tradition and too many people care about it to see it go away; and as a witness to the constant evolution of the Madness, which began humbly on Damen Avenue with Tim, Brendan and Chris, I am proud to see that it has become a yearly pilgrimage and religious holiday for many.

Put the Bull away, y’all. Give ‘Ol Pickett a rest and let Rufus Thomas get back to refining The Bull Slide. Blow the smoke from your barrels, your work is done.

Til next year.

Stay Tuned

2005-03-20T22:02:00.000-06:00

I'm having difficulty with what I've recorded for Saturday and Sunday. I will have it up here to complete the Ashland Estates NCAA happenings as soon as I figure out how to interface the flux capacitor with the... you get what I'm saying.

Spider Monkeys Part II, Late Night Martinis, and the Return of O'Mews

2005-03-20T03:52:00.000-06:00

Moments and quotes from Day II of the NCAA Tournament

Things were not as raucous as yesterday, but then again, Diskin wasn't here so that may have had something to do with it. Cinderella finally put on her dancing shoes and showed up in the forms of Vermont and Bucknell. Jayhawk and Orangemen fans everywhere are crying out to the gods, "Why!?"

9:32 - The funk at Ashland, a combination of beer, sweat and busted brackets, is ostensibly noticed by LD.
10:30 - 5 guys had to use 1 shower cuz the other one was full of beer. Man down -Waldo couldn't get off the couch.
11:30 – We resume our yearly post at the upper loft bar at Joe’s. I arrive a little late to 6 TV’s; full pitchers of beer; our bartender, Yoka; and a seat saved right in front of the beer taps. I always seem to get this seat no matter what. It’s not as though the beer taps get in my way, it’s just kind of odd that I always end up in this chair. Oh yeah, Mews is still saying, “Tap o’ the mornin’ to ya,” in a horrible Irish brogue.
11:35 - I am immediately caught up on the after-hours events of last night. They entail Mews getting friendly with a lady at the Green Mill and using LD as an ATM to fuel his adventure. There is mention of Waldo and 2 Bombay Sapphire martinis that were to him, "The two best martinis I've ever had." He drank them faster than the time it took me to look up the spelling of Sapphire. J.T., in from New York and out until 4:00 A.M. delcares, "God, I needed last night."
12:34 - Andy calls and puts us on stand by as he goes on line to look for flights from L.A. to Chicago.
1:20 - First game over and still no Waldo. At the same time, Mews takes one step closer to a beating by telling Logan, "If I were at CBS, I wouldn't even show Iowa St." Shortly thereafter, Waldo arrives and orders a Bloody Mary.
1:45 - Morning session over. 5 of us are 4-0, Mews is 1-3 and slowly solidifying himself in last place of the Starcom pool.
2:27 - Logan declares to Waldo, "You're going to be drunk before you wake up.
2:51 - I punch Mews for singing "Starry Eye Surprise" for the 1000th time.
3:00 - In response to the relentless teasing for having ordered multiple martinis the night before, Waldo says, "I don't even remember it. It couldn't have been that noticeable." At the same time, New Mexico goes in to half time having scored a measly 11 points. I have them picked as an upset over Villanova. Me and Waldo: 2 fools who are paying the price for stupidity.
3:16 - Godfrey calls. "I'm gettin' on a plane. You better have a Old Style waiting for me."
3:24 – The Spider Monkey question/theory is resurrected. Smitty thinks he can take on at least 10. Brendan, a thousand miles away in Boston let’s us in on his secret for defeating the sinister spider monkeys: “I’d locate the alpha male in the group and beat the crap out of him. Then I’d take him and swing him around and around and pummel all the rest with him.”
3:27 – P.E.T.A. calls to tell me they will be suing me over that last entry.
3:39 - We meet Jen & Heather, 2 ladies who have inadvertently found their way to our corner of the compound. Mews is all about Jen and he has his game face on. Unfortunately his game takes a turn for the worse as he once again wishes everyone a "Tap o' the mornin' to ya." The ladies depart. However, Mews has an epiphany shortly thereafter: "Everyday for me is The Big Dance. I could go 0 for 83 every day, but the day I go 1 for 84 is a victorious day. McNerney chimes in: "Mews, spend a night in Paris."
3:48 - Our bartender, Yoka, buys us 2 free pitchers, proving that if you annoy anyone long enough, it pays off.
4:10 – 7 people in a Honda accord is a bit much, but it gets us back to Ashland in fine style.
8:03 - First over time game of the tournament. Syracuse-Vermont. The basement at Ashland is in fine form as we all seem to be cheering for the upset despite what our brackets say. Mews, dejected by his almost sole-occupancy of the Starcom Pool Basement, is now a little hopeful once he learns that by being last in the pool, he’ll get his $5 back. He proceeds to root for every upset left in the tournament.
8:10 - Looks like I am going to lose my second Sweet 16 in Syracuse. However, if they go down, my father will lose one of his Final Four teams and I will be that much closer to winning our our yearly wager, a bottle of Red Breast Irish Whiskey. Go Vermont!
9:51 – Adam Godfrey, a.k.a. Coogan “Warm Can” Old Style, arrives and declares, “It’s good to be home.” All is right with the world. He is greeted with a O’Mews, “Tap o’ the mornin’ to ya!” and promptly given two cans of Old Style and placed in the stadium seats and treated like royalty.
10:30 – The Kansas-Bucknell game is getting a little to close for my blood. I stand to lose my third Sweet 16 team, Alabama and Syracuse being my other two.
10:59 - Bucknell topels Kansas. Illini fans everywhere are vindicated, none more than Godfrey.
12:30 A.M. - Glock arrives at my house, unbeknownst to everyone else thus far.

Tap O' The Mornin' To Ya

2005-03-19T01:17:00.000-06:00

Moments and Quotes from Day 1 of the NCAA Tournament

9:30 - Mews & LD share a Guinness.
11:00 - BDM, Mews, LD arrive at HiTops from the diner.
11:20 - First game starts. I've been waiting a long time for this.
11:50 - Diskin declares, “Johnny's gettin' drunk.”
12:02 - Commercials on every TV. We don't know what to do.
12:15 - UWM is walking all over Alabama at half time. Looks like I'm gonna miss my first Sweet 16.
12:42 - "The bartender looks like a poor man's Lindsey Lohan and our waitress looks like a busted Tara Reid. But we're happy." - McNerney
1:17 - Diskin, disappointed at the lack of entries thus far, instructs Mews to "Do something stupid."
1:22 - Kentucky wins and I'm spared the humiliation of losing a final four team on the first day
1:35 - First Diskin argument w/ anyone. At the same time, I suffer my first loss of the tourney - Alabama
1:45 - The argument simmers as Mews realizes Illinois would not be ranked #1 if they were in the ACC. While he has valid points about RPI, and road games, he is lost in a sea of logic coming from McNerney, LD and Diskin. Even though he realizes he's losing the argument, it doesn't stop him from fighting like a man-child. Pretty impressive actually.
1:55 - Diskin observes that Mews has as many letters as God! (that's pronounced God Exclamation Point)
2:01 - Illinois in the ACC Part II:The argument resumes, more heated than before.
2:18 - While attempting to unclog a mustard bottle with sheer pressure, the cap blows off and leaves Waldo's food awash in a sea of yellow.
2:27 - My first beer. Kcar joins the game
2:46 - "You don't crap yourself and hook up w/ someone in the same day." - Diskin
2:55 - "I found it helpful that my parents had a bag of bark mulch in front of the hoop so I could dunk." -Waldo
3:15 - Illinois in the ACC Part III: Mews is still wrong and still fighting.
4:00 - August Busch III publicly booed for encouraging adults to drink responsibly
4:13 - First casualty. Diskin spills entire beer on himself. Waldo gets hit by stray beer.
8:00 - 13 dudes @ Ashland Estates
8:10 - Nevada takes out Texas. We raise a glass to O-dawg
8:29 - McNerney declares "I want something big and big and flat."
8:30 - Look out for the bull y'all. The Schlitz Malt Liquor Bull makes his first appearance. I am now good for another year.
8:47 - The first female arrives @ Ashland Estates. Meghan Stutzman enters to screams and howls of lonely men.
9:15 - Nap. I can't hang like I used to.
10:46 - Diskin thinks he can take on 20 spider monkeys. He then cuts the number down to 10 and 1 chimpanzee.
11:13 - Are you aware you bought non-alcoholic Mudslide? Did you think a bottle of alcohol this big would cost $3.99? " -Tim to Mews

I can't wait to see what tomorrow brings.

So Close, I Can Taste It

2005-03-17T10:59:00.000-06:00

The day has finally arrived. After much head scratching, small outbursts of the Schlitz Malt Liquor Bull song and random smiles, the most magical of sports days is upon us. Unfortunately I will not be making the customary 10:00 AM stop at Salt N' Pepper diner due to dog owner stuff, but I'll be at Hi Tops for the first tip off. Make no mistake.

My brackets are looking pretty standard with a few, but reasonable, upsets in them. My 5-12 upsets are Old Dominion over Michigan St and New Mexico over Villanova. Other upsets include St. Mary's over So. Illinois, Iowa over Cincinnati and N.C. State over Charlotte.

Final Four: Illinois, Wake Forest, Duke and N.C.
Championship Game: Wake Forest and Illinois
Winner: Wake Forest

That being said, it's almost time to set it off. Oh the anticipation is killing me. To boot, I also realized that in 10 days, Lent will be over and I will go back to drinking coffee.

It's great to be alive.

Look Out For The Bull, Y'all

2005-03-15T09:56:00.000-06:00

"If you don't know what that means, you must be a rookie" - Tim 'Big Death' McNerney

The Dance is on, my friends. The bracket - or 'the map' depending on where you are from - is set. I was a little out of sorts this year with Winthrop being a 14 seed instead of a 16. As for Louisville being a 4 seed, Gonzaga being a 3, Washington being a 1, etc., etc. - just pick the damn games!

Of course that is easier said than done. I am currently in my Minneapolis hotel suite with various newspapers all over the place. I have ESPN on one television and ESPN 2 on the other- trying so feverishly to predict what will transpire over the next three weeks.

Brackets aside - Ashland Estates is getting ready for it's last Dance. It has been home to the four day binge for 5 years now, giving us some of the most memorable moments of the NCAA tournament, complete with a reel of old school Schlitz Malt Liquor ads.

Look out for the bull, y'all
The Schlitz Malt Liquor Bull
Nobody makes malt liquor like Schlitz
Look out for the bull

Those were the good 'ol days of advertising. Stereotypes, sexism, kung fu craze, funk man Rufus Thomas and all. God I love this time of year.